After an amazing week of high energy enthusiasm and reunions with parts of my heart in New Orleans and New York, we hit the ground running and landed back in (our other) reality with a resounding thump.
The last 16 days have been a mixture of physical discomforts, positive results and the kind of negativity that drains the colour from the sky and sours the taste of happiness. Then Chemo 7 was delayed a week for a little surgery I needed, intended to alleviate my most aggravating symptoms. However, fevers, chills, night sweats and some good ole writhing in pain later, I’m worse than where I started and back on the same ward with a post operative kidney infection, in a hospital gown, tight stockings and a tangle of tubes that make even the smallest of movements, a test of will. Yeh, it’s been relentless.
When I’m having a hard day, or 16, my instinct is not to write, share and spread the suffering but to keep it close to my heart and pray it away. I often consider how much of my journey I want (and have the energy) to share and though the answer to that often changes, what I do know is that whatever I do share, must be honest, I must be true to myself, my reality and the reality of cancer for millions of others.
So here it is…
At the time that this was shot a couple of days ago, the pain and sleep deprivation sent me into a state of delirium. I am still in hospital and will be for a couple/few days perhaps but am happy to report that I am now in much less pain, though I am STILL bloody waiting for my good nights sleep!
(at another planet)